Seminal Face Cream
I recently ran into an old friend of mine, an American, whom I hadn’t seen for a long time. He looked great. He was fit, tanned, dressed to the nines and had a beautiful boy on each arm. He looked way younger than his fifty-five years or so. Where were the wrinkles? Had he indulged in plastic surgery at one of Thailand’s many cosmetic clinics?
“Peter,” I said. “You look great. What have you been up to? What’s your secret?”
“Well, I started a new business about a year ago and it’s taken off like a storm.”
“Don’t leave me in suspense. With the economy the way it is, I’d love to know how you did it.” I replied.
“Can you keep a secret? I don’t want to create any competition.”
“No problem. You know I’m very discreet,” I assured.
“OK. You remember how haggard and wrinkled I used to be. I discovered that after a session with one or more of my boys, my wrinkles seemed to disappear. I’d check the mirror in the morning and I seemed to have shed five years from my haggard face. It was like I had found the fountain of youth.”
“Wait a minute.” I said, somewhat incredulously. “If having sex with beautiful, young, Thai men reversed the aging process; all of us punters would look like teenagers.”
“Oh. You didn’t quite get my drift. When I said fountain of youth, I meant that quite literally. The product of the fountain must be applied directly to the face; the more the better. So, sometimes I’d have four or five young men apply their “product” to my face all at once. From experimentation, I found that the minimum amount needed were the results of two climaxes; however, the more the better. The effect only lasts for a couple of days. So, obviously a fresh supply is constantly needed.
“I realized that there was a market for this ‘miracle’ cream as most of us want to look younger. I also realized that it wasn’t always convenient or practical to get this miraculous moisturizer direct from the source, even though that would be the most fun. So, I came up with a manufacturing and distribution plan. I set up a “laboratory” near Chulalongkorn University in Bangkok. I put classified ads in the local paper recruiting university students who needed to make some extra money for fees, books, or whatever.
“All of my producers are thoroughly checked for STIs, including HIV. The guys are welcome to “come” as frequently as they like, but only are paid if they give me a minimum of three milliliters per session. This generally means that they need to abstain from sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend, or ‘chuck wao’ for the previous twenty-four hours. I give them one hundred baht per sample. This may not seem like that much; but let’s face it. It’s an enjoyable activity and depending on the individual, he can be in and out in a few minutes. Not a bad way to make a hundred baht; and I seem to have a never ending supply of recruits. Truth be told, I co-opted the idea from a porn star named Lynn May who produced a similar product in Mexico. The boys’ output is then mixed with honey, fragrance and cold cream and sold in jars at 3500 baht a pop. Each jar contains about fifteen milliliters, or about five climaxes worth. One jar is enough for about two or three applications. It’s been selling like hotcakes.”
“Do you have any scientific evidence that this stuff really works?” I asked.
“Only testimonials and the fact that most of my clients are repeat customers,” Peter replied. “I’m thinking about franchising. Let me know if you’re interested.”
“I’ll definitely think about it,” I said. At that we parted and promised to keep in touch. I rushed home and told my boyfriend to get busy.
(This is a work of fiction.)
“Well, I started a new business about a year ago and it’s taken off like a storm.”
“Don’t leave me in suspense. With the economy the way it is, I’d love to know how you did it.” I replied.
“Can you keep a secret? I don’t want to create any competition.”
“No problem. You know I’m very discreet,” I assured.
“OK. You remember how haggard and wrinkled I used to be. I discovered that after a session with one or more of my boys, my wrinkles seemed to disappear. I’d check the mirror in the morning and I seemed to have shed five years from my haggard face. It was like I had found the fountain of youth.”
“Wait a minute.” I said, somewhat incredulously. “If having sex with beautiful, young, Thai men reversed the aging process; all of us punters would look like teenagers.”
“Oh. You didn’t quite get my drift. When I said fountain of youth, I meant that quite literally. The product of the fountain must be applied directly to the face; the more the better. So, sometimes I’d have four or five young men apply their “product” to my face all at once. From experimentation, I found that the minimum amount needed were the results of two climaxes; however, the more the better. The effect only lasts for a couple of days. So, obviously a fresh supply is constantly needed.
“I realized that there was a market for this ‘miracle’ cream as most of us want to look younger. I also realized that it wasn’t always convenient or practical to get this miraculous moisturizer direct from the source, even though that would be the most fun. So, I came up with a manufacturing and distribution plan. I set up a “laboratory” near Chulalongkorn University in Bangkok. I put classified ads in the local paper recruiting university students who needed to make some extra money for fees, books, or whatever.
“All of my producers are thoroughly checked for STIs, including HIV. The guys are welcome to “come” as frequently as they like, but only are paid if they give me a minimum of three milliliters per session. This generally means that they need to abstain from sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend, or ‘chuck wao’ for the previous twenty-four hours. I give them one hundred baht per sample. This may not seem like that much; but let’s face it. It’s an enjoyable activity and depending on the individual, he can be in and out in a few minutes. Not a bad way to make a hundred baht; and I seem to have a never ending supply of recruits. Truth be told, I co-opted the idea from a porn star named Lynn May who produced a similar product in Mexico. The boys’ output is then mixed with honey, fragrance and cold cream and sold in jars at 3500 baht a pop. Each jar contains about fifteen milliliters, or about five climaxes worth. One jar is enough for about two or three applications. It’s been selling like hotcakes.”
“Do you have any scientific evidence that this stuff really works?” I asked.
“Only testimonials and the fact that most of my clients are repeat customers,” Peter replied. “I’m thinking about franchising. Let me know if you’re interested.”
“I’ll definitely think about it,” I said. At that we parted and promised to keep in touch. I rushed home and told my boyfriend to get busy.
(This is a work of fiction.)